The ank guy...

...claims that in Calgary people say "compy", meaning compliment. Can anyone confirm or deny? I've known many Canadians and never heard this before. It seems to fit too perfectly into his personal lexicon of self-invented infantalized slang.

Other key confusing phrases from our most recent (all too short) call:

"ranks behind the anks"

"sticky-outy ankles"

"sharp anks"

"she got up on her tips so her anks stuck out"

I have no issue with his fetish in and of itself, but his insular fantasy world (and its language) do get annoying as:

a. He frequently interrupts
b. He get irritated when asked for necessary clarification (PSNPP*)
c. He generally will not acknowledge anything I say. He seems to mostly want to monologue, except for when he wants a (very specific but unspecified response, and he does not communicate any of this.
d. His fantasies usually take on a nasty classist and misogynist bend.

With those pieces in play, I'm ripe for irritation. And he definitely can bring the pet peeves. Like:

Anatomical confusion:

"I fucked her hard little cunt" (That's a new one.)

Ignorance of fetishized clothing:

"she was wearing knee high tights, like spandex" (he meant bike shorts.)

Maybe I'm being unfair, but if you're going to explore your unusual and rigidly defined (down to the invented language) fantasy with a stranger, you need to be willing to communicate the perameters!

*Phone Sex, not Phone Psychic

Freudian slip?

Caller rhapsodizes about "Hung Ebony Goddess Men".

SLUT ANKS

One of my notable regulars has a serious leg fetish, but not in the way you'd expect. Not of the "oh, I want to lick your long shapely legs" or "no, keep the pantyhose on" or even "you could crush me with those tear drop thighs!" variety.

He likes to roleplay. He wants the same thing every time. He pretends he's calling under the pretense of working for a hosiery company that's conducting a customer survey. He wants you to "act dominant, but really be submissive" as you participate in the survey, which shockingly culminates in him instructing you to masturbate.

But there is so much more along the way.

Would you say that you have thick ankles or very thick ankles?

Oh, excuse me, "anks". His sexxy slang for ankles is "anks".

Are your anks hard like a woman who lives in a trailer? Is there a deep "v" indenture[sic] in your ank or does it go around into an indenture[sic]?

How is one supposed to answer such question? What do they mean?

Between his misuse of words, confusing classist stereotyping, and highly specific yet largely nonsensical imagining of anatomy it is really hard to tell this dude what he wants to hear. It is only after many calls that I am able to play well.

at a certain point in the call he will deem your thick, hard, masculine, and apparently very bumpy and elephantine ankles to be "slut anks" which he will proceed to both praise and disparage throughout the rest of the call, with no disparity acknowledged between his claims that you are "sexy" and "ugly". While you are masturbating along with his commands he proclaims "you are an ugly slut...stupid dominant fucking slut".

He also makes confounding claims such as "if you lift up your neck you can see a dick form in your neck--your jaw shines when you lift it up."

Obviously he is either Secretly Gay and self-hating or has an attraction to masculine women that he has some kinda ish with...but none of that explains "your jaw shines when you lift it up."

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

Really...do any of you know?

Speakerfone Redux

Oh god god god Pleas NO MORE SPEAKERPHONE.

I know it seems like a good idea in theory: "Oooh honey, let's call up phone sex on speakerphone while we're foolin' around! So hot!"

Except that I CAN NOT TELL WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE SAYING. And you can't tell what I'm saying. so it's all clipped, staticy "huh? what?"s on your end and "I'm sorry baby, I didn't quite catch that"s on mine. HOT-T-T.

No, really. I didn't get 96% or what he said. It was even worse when his (shy) girlfriend talked to me while he took a call on his cell. "Mmmph. Mrr?" I understood nary a word.

racists

Just hung up on a racist. His big thing was throwing around the N word and other epithets, wanting to hear about white women sucking black cock. Yawn. I asked if it was because he had a small cock and he said yes. So for awhile I just took my aggravation out on him--no wonder he's calling me, no woman would want to sleep with him. General small-dick humiliation stuff, with an edge of actual contempt--something I don't really like to include in my work. I asked if he was frightened of and intimidated by black men and he said yes. I laughed at him when he used slurs and tried to get me to do the same, said he was pathetic. He started acting more contemptuous towards me and I laughed more, I'd been playing this as a dom call. I don't switch horses in midstream unless I'm really clicking with a caller. He said something about his fat cock and I was like whoa buddy, you told me it was small, which is it? Obviously he was all over the place, grasping at every tension building signifying--black men have animalistically enormous cocks that dwarf mine, I have a big cock, you're a bitch, w/e. He was getting ruder and ruder and not showing any signs of coming, and I was feeling sicker and sicker in my stomach, so I hung up.

I have never done that before.

Usually in situations like this I get the caller to hang up, but enough was enough. Fuck it.

You don't want to hear...

"Wow, that was unusually quick! What is your number for future use?"

So much wrong there.

Paging Miss Manners!

Roleplaying: fine. "Taboo" roleplaying? Fine. Daddy/Daughter? FINE. Bothered me at first, now it doesn't. At least not in and of itself. If there's plausible (by my roleplaying standards) build and relationship tension and blah blah blah, if the caller either has minimal communication skills or is happy letting me direct, we're good.

What I hate is a guy who makes me play psychic, who demurs every time I ask something about what he likes or wants to do during our excruciatingly long and info-parched getting-to-know-you talk. He finally asked me if I like roleplaying and through the noises he made in response to the cross section of scenarios I said I enjoyed (along with his refusal to name any scenarios he had enjoyed or tried at all, despite his eventual admittance that he and his fiance loved roleplaying,) I determined that he wanted family fun. Eventually narrowed it to daddy/daughter.

He of course could provide zero input as to location, scenario, dynamics, reactions, relationship, etc. Anytime I gently, sexily asked what he thought about anything he's just flip it back around on me. This shit is like babysitting a 5 year old who asks "why?" in response to everything you say, it's that frustrating and pointless. So I suggest a standard daddy-catches-me-masturbating-and-im-embarrassed-but-he-tell-me-not-to-stop-and-things-go-from-there. He keeps pressing "lay it out for me" and "set the scene", so we were starting from a fairly solid blueprint.

Of course, once we're going, he starts throwing in all these twists that were not discussed and, to my fantasy-oriented brain, didn't really fit with the scenario. He gets all into berating me for being a whore, and not in a playful, or sensual or anything way, just...hateful. Plus he's a bad actor. And keeps saying "I slap you across the face" and then gets on this "all women are whores" kick--he keeps saying it and trying to get me to concur. The scene was unpleasant and illogical in the way that bugs me--there needs to be some internal fantasy logic going, much as "logic" would probably be a laughable label to an outsider looking in. Not real world logic, fantasy logic. The kind that allows for a dom to say the craziest shit that makes NO sense but its fine because the logic internal to the scene is "MY WILL is THE TRUTH" or w/e, and the flagrant flouting of anything legible as logic is just another signifier of how the dom is shaping the very fabric of reality internal to the scene.

ANYWAY.

Since he was improvising I did to, turned bratty, "how are all women whores? I'm not making any money by masturbating "if masturbation is so bad, why do you do it all the time? If you think sex is so dirty, why do you fuck my mother every night"

Well, to the latter "because she's a whore too and she gets what she deserves"

I need to take a money to just say that the misogynist patriarchal "all women are whores" anti-logic is particular pet peeve of mine. It could be worked into a scene in a way I'd be fine with, but throwing it in in the lazy way he did just IRKED me. So I back talked more cuz it just felt gross to continue the "oh daddy I'm so embarrassed and sorry" line I'd started out with, given the shifting circumstances. He wasn't sticking to his role, and mine no longer worked, and i just wasn't up for a fake-weeping "Oh Daddy please stop im sorry I am a whore don't rape me and [gross graphic depictions of sexual violence and its effects--I just don't really play that]" so the next time he slapped me, after saying in an annoyed tone "ouch daddy, cut it out!" that I'd call social services on him.

"you're 18, what are they gonna do"

"Arrest you. You're hitting me. It's illegal."

"Oh, so you want to have nowhere to live?"

"Well, I could always go live with my boyfriend. And you could live in jail! And then you could get fucked too! Is that what you want daddy? Is that why you keep hitting me for no reason? You want to go to prison so you can get fucked by a guy without ever having to admit to your gay thoughts?"

"Oh you want something gay? turn over."

I neglected to point out that it's not very "gay" for a father to sodomize his daughter, I was done splitting hairs. And thankfully, soon done with the call!